Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni HO!
by SaraBaka
Summary: Join us, as my friends become the characters of Higurashi, in our very own special arch of cracktastic joy! It's bloody, weird, suggestive, and your mother!


CHARACTER CHART:

Sara - Satoko

Katy - Rena

Nick – Keiichi

Jordan - Rika

Laura - Mion

Laral (in real life, this is Laura's facebook name) - Shion

Kristen - Takano

Dan (in real life is Kristen's bf) - Tomitake

Malcolm – That baseball player who loves sweets…whatshisname…

Dylan – Oishi

Alicia - Rina

Ms. St. Jean - Oyashiro-sama

Ridgefield – Hinamizawa

This is what my friends and I call a "FriendFic" In which we make US the characters in a fanfiction. It's really fun to do that. I typed it up and I would've changed the names but I really felt that I should just keep it that way. You have to watch quite a bit of the series to get any of this btw. In fact, you need to have seen Higu KAI up to ep. 17ish… Instead of KAI at the end, we put HO. THAT'S RIGHT, HO!!!

Enjoy

**Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni HO!**

The stars twinkled above and the village was quiet. The only noise that could be heard was that of the cicadas. Although it appears that Ridgefield is sound asleep, that is not entirely true. Somewhere in the junkyard you can hear the heavy and terrified breathing of a small girl named Katy. Katy curled up in the corner of a trashed van and clutched a menacing hatchet in her hands. The silence tortured her as she waited, hoping that she would not be found. As the minutes wore on, her heart began to relax and her grip on the hatchet slackened.

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Sara stumbled toward the van. If anybody was still alive, it would be Katy.

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Katy's heart stopped as the shadow outside the window grew larger. The person… or demon… tapped on the window and whispered something, but Katy could not hear because her heart was pounding so loudly.

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"Katy? It's me Sara… Are you there?" Sara whispered softly, praying that she would no longer be alone on this terrifying and dangerous night.

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Katy's pulse quickened. Her adrenalin flared as she grabbed her hatchet and swung at the figure - - It was now or never! She struck flesh and sliced off the person's entire arm. But to her great horror, the enemy's scream was not an enemy at all.

"Sara OMG I CUT YOUR ARM OFF!!!" She sobbed, pulling Sara into the van and running to get bandages.

"Eh, 'tis only a flesh-wound!"

Katy cleaned and bandaged the one-armed girl and then leaned forward to take off Sara's bloody shirt and give Sara a clean shirt… Sara didn't realize this.

"OH KATY...! Even though we're in peril…" Sara blushed in shock. Katy froze and squeaked in surprise. Instead of the moment turning to an awkward silence, Sara leaned forward with a meaningful look in her eyes. "You know… we're probably going to die tonight… and I don't want to die a virgin…" Katy stared at her.

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"This SUCKS" Kristen fumed from her hiding place. "Yes, well that's life" Laura sighed next to her. They had taken cover in Laura's family torture chamber. Sharp objects gleamed brightly on the walls and ceiling all around them. They had been sitting there for over 2 hours. Laura was starting to regret running. She should've stopped and fought, but NOOOOOOO…" The boring atmosphere of the moment was broken by the creaking of the door they sat near…

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"AAAAAAUUUUUGGGHH!!! RUN AWAAAAYYY!!!!" Kristen shrieked, but Laura grabbed her. "What the hell Kristen? It's just my TWIN SISTER!!" Standing in the doorway was a girl identical to Laura, except her hair was not tied up. "Hi, Laral!" Laura chirped in relief, and the twins shared a boobtastic hug. "Wait… you have a SISTER?" Kristen stumbled. Laura stared. "Um yeah… jeez I let yo in here for protection and you don't even know who my sister is…"

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Kristen figured that since Laral had appeared all happy and seemingly safe, that she could look around a bit. Tonight had been the great Ridgefield celebration in which the residence floated pieces of cotton in a river. She had gleefully snuck into the shrine with her lover Dan. There were many terrifying instruments of torture in there, just as there are in the room she now stood. She smiled. Perhaps there was still time to put her plan into action…

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Jordan knew what would happen. It happens all the time. Quietly, Diane floated behind her with a dismal frown. She stared down at the syringe griped in Jordan's hand. "Nick, you wench-ho!!! I'M OVER HERE!!!" Jordan shouted into the forest surrounding the shrine. In the distance, the bushes rustle.

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Meanwhile, Dan was taking pictures on the side of the road in the middle of the night. He snapped the most perfect picture of the moon. "HAHAHAHAHAHA!" He laughed triumphantly, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUCCCCCCHHHHHuUUuuUUUUUUaaAAAAAhhhHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNN!" Was what he next said as a cicada flew into his open mouth and into his throat. He clawed at his throat desperately and died.

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Laura grabbed a gun. They had to fight back! Laral looked around the room and spotted a nail-ripping device and picked it up. Kristen took a gun out from inside her shirt…Laura and Laral stared at her…"What?" Kristen asked. "Um…nothing…" Laura muttered and the three of them walked toward the door, to the dangerous world outside the torture chamber (so ironic! Lol!)

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Nick was gasping hard as he hobbled toward the trashed van. He crawled up the rubble and peered inside. He couldn't hear perfectly, but this is what he thought he heard "AAAaaaahhh….MMMMMMMMmmmm…..OOOOOOOOOOOOOOooOOoooooOOOHHH….." he opened the van window and the noice was all "aaaaaaahhh…aaaaAAAAAHHHHHAAAAARGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S NICK!!!!!!!!!"

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Katy shrieked loudly as Nick came closer with the blood-stained baseball bat, laughing hysterically. She stumbled up and flattened herself against the wall of the van. SARA didn't seem to notice anything… there was a dreamy little smile on her face and she was laughing softly to herself. Nick swung at her and smashed her only arm left, then beat her legs until they were very very VERY broken. Katy was still screaming… what was she going to do?! "I BITE YOU!!!" sara suddenly shrieked and flung herself forward as the bat made contact with her skull.

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And thus, Sara was a bloody smear. Woe.

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Laura sprinted toward the screams. She wondered where Laral and Kristen were. Splitting up was such a bad idea, why did she listen to Kristen? As she go closer to the shrieks the trees began to space out more until she reached the junkyard. "Of COURSE!" She declared and started climbing over crap. She knew exactly where to go…

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"Laral, IS THAT YEWZ???!!!" Kristen said in a panic as she pointed her gun at the rustling bush. But the person who stepped out was… LAURA? She had a creepy look on her face and she was holding a nail-ripping device. "Erm… did Laral switch weapons with you or something…? What are you…. S-stop LOOKING at me like that….get back…. GET BACK….!!!"

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Nick swung at Laura as she shot the gun. She got him in the leg and he got her in the--- head…

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Katy's eyes went wide and scary and she picked up her hatchet, which gleamed brightly in the moonlight coming through the windows of the van. Nick turned to face her and held his bat out threateningly toward her. Katy burst out laughing "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!" She rang out, her eyes wide and tears flowing "AHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!" And she swung her hatchet.

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Blood splattered the inside windows of the van. I'm not cleaning that up.

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Kristen stared at Jordan's shattered corpse. It looked like Nick got to her first. Kristen bent over with a scalpel and sliced t Jordan's naked chest. Because she's weird.

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Katy limped toward the edge of the school yard and stared at it, crying, knowing that she would never go there again and enjoy her time with her friends… who were now all dead. Woe.

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"You SUCK!!" Diane cried out at Kristen. Kristen laughed manically and said "But I'm going to kill DYLAN next!" After a moment of thinking Diane replied "Oh…okay then. GO TO IT!"

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Dylan was driving around trying to fuck up the entire story. A white van smashes into him and he was no more. LOL!

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"IT'S JUST YOU AND ME NOW, KATY!" Kristen shouted joyfully. Katy stared at her, quite confused. Nothing was making any sense any more (not that it ever did, but let's just pretend).

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"HI I'M ALICIA AND I'M GONNA BE YOUR DISCUSTING CHEATING WHORE STEP MOTHER!" She danced between Kristen and Katy.

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Kristen thought about shooting this disruptive ugly ho, but Katy was taking care of her…while screaming something about her father's money and something about a restaurant…hm.

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Alicia got chopped into tiny chunks and shoved into a refrigerator. WHO WANTS KA-BOBS?!

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Meanwhile, Malcolm was eating cake, imagining that it was a woman, 'cause he's a perv. He'll be dead soon…

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Katy and Kristen faced each other. Tumbleweed bounced between them. Somewhere, someone was playing a flute dramatically. Katy shot forward! And slammed! Kristen! In the chest!! WITH THE DULL SIDE!!!! OF HER BLADE!!!!!!!!

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Kristen was blacking out! With great effort she aimed and fired, then everything went dark…!

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…and she missed Katy. LOL! Katy dragged Kristen's body to a trash can and threw her in because she was not worthy of the Ka-BOBing. "oh WHAT NOW, BEYOTCH!" Diane yelled and pointed at Kristen. Katy stared "WTF…" "…uh let's go put her on a hilltop, what do you say…? STFU AND DON'T ASK QUESTIONS…" Diane smiled and fidgeted.

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Diane watched gleefully as Katy poured kerosene oil on Kristen's body. And after a spark from a match… WHOOSH! LOL!!! FLAMES!!! DEAD KRSITEN!!!

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And then Katy scratched at her wrist. And throat. And died.

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Everybody else died of gas poisoning, because Kristen has many deadly minions to do her dirty work. They all eventually died of Ms. St. Jean's curse. Woe.

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And then the world exploded. DON'T PANIC!!!!!

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And Diane sipped her tea, waiting for it to start all over again…

-FIN


End file.
